No stitches, just platelets and will power
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
