ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
