I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
