Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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