Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
