I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
