I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
