i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
