His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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