This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
