it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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