This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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