Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
