No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
