Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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