i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
