omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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