Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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