I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
