Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
