i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
