He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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