i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize