From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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