i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Someone came in the potted fern
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize