I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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