So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you would pick up someone in the library
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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