i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
