so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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