I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
