I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He felt like a one man threesome
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize