Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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