You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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