you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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