I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
