you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
