Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
