She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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