His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
