My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
