this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
