how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
