Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
