Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
