i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have tasted many bathrooms
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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