giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
