Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize