so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
