This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
