just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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