There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
