I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
