youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
