remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize