Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
