his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
