i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
