I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
