I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
