omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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