there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
