But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
