i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
