we have officially lost it.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
