he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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