I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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