my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
