Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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