I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
