she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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