My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
