She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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