Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
