At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
