I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
