yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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