He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
