Already got asked if we're dating
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
