im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he laminated a picture of his dick.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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