when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
