thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
