I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize