dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
