somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
