Screwed.edu
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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