I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
