i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize