I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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