I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
