btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
