Just cropdusted the office
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
