I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
