In the future we'll all be gay
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
