dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
