i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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