i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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