i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
