You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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