just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Operation Purity has been aborted
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
