drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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