the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
