I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize